I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
