rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
