dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
