I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
