Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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