I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
