I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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