im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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