If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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