he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
