I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
