I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
