My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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