I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was born a porn star she said
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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