Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We are two peas in an std pod
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
