I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
