the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
