i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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