that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
