I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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