Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Found the puke drawer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
