There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
