Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
