fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My feet surprised me
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