I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
