During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He did a backflip because drugs
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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