Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
