I wish you could order shots online.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
