I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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