I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Houston, we have a squirter
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
