you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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