Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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