i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
