They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
