You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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