I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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