I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
