I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
