If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just gargled with NyQuil
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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