every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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