Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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