There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
