I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
