I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love you. Go after that dick
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
