i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
