I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
