i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
