You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
