Sry I called you an 8
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
