Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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