He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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