oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
