We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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