Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm passing your future prison.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
