You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
