***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
