And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i think i just lost a toe
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
